A satire from Susan Ohanian. She has bureaucratese jargon down pat.
“It has come to the attention of the US Department of Education, Bill and Melinda Gates Substation that there has been recent unauthorized activity preceding the above referenced Common Core test. You have been identified as the for-hire person responsible for the classroom containing the following unauthorized materials
finger paints and paper;
play house with kitchen utensils and costumes;
improper ratio of fiction and non-fiction books. (See Guidelines 723.94A)”
“Through the work of our research partners and poll results showing the skills most in demand from the Fortune 500, the US Department of Education, Bill and Melinda Gates Substation has determined that the activities resulting from these materials is in violation of Part 276, of the CCSS Pre-Test Plan for Preparing Workers for the Global Economy, Sections 218.27634 to 218.27686 of the CCSS Pre-Test Compiled Laws annotated.
“We find the activities resulting from such materials are inherently hazardous to preparing children for their futures in the Global Economy and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist, removing all unauthorized materials from this location and to restore your classroom to a globally competitive work-ready condition. “